On a Break

Lance got home from his work trip last night, so he and I finally had time together to talk things over. Once we'd put Eleanor to sleep, he came home, packed his bag, gave me some hug-time and left town. So, last night was his first chance to really see the house as it is now, quiet. He was lucky in a way, getting to leave town and not have to be constantly reminded that there is no dog waiting for your food droppings or wanting to lay on the floor by your feet…

So, I started talking right away once the girls were in bed. I told him how these last couple days had been so hard on me; that every time I left the house or came back home or came downstairs or was in the kitchen, I felt the absence of Eleanor. I don't even know how many times a day I would tell her to "stop licking", she had this thing about licking her paws and I had this thing about not wanting to hear it. I also spent a lot of time just generally messing with her. Lance said I picked on her, I say she enjoyed it…it was like a playful banter between us. I'd have something she wanted, like a piece of sandwich and she'd be looking at me with that look of "OMG, I need that really really bad, puh-lease can I have it?" And I'd look at her and say, "ooooh, this is soooo gooooood, would you like some? mmmmmmm" She would of course always get a bite of whatever it was, I just had to drag it out a little…you know, make her work for it :)

But I told Lance that I want another dog. I don't want one right now, but I do want one right now. I want to fill this empty spot in my heart and my house. But at the same time I know it wouldn't be right to get another dog right now. We need time to grieve Eleanor and any dog we get now would just always be compared to her, no matter how hard we tried not to. If we would have had our backup dog, we wouldn't be in this position, but we don't so now we're in the spot of having to discuss another dog.

Lance though, surprised me with his thoughts last night. He doesn't really want another dog any time soon. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, he was always the one to take care of the dogs. I don't scoop poop. I did the daytime potties and all the regular maintenance (ear cleaning, brushing, pills, flea medicines, nails, etc.), but he did the training, the walking, the scooping, all the heavy stuff. I suppose it will be nice to not have to worry about any of that, especially now that we have two small children. But it will still be weird.

I grew up with dogs. As a kid, we always them. Always. My baby pictures have dogs in them. (Tippy and Casey) Even now, mom has a dog. She's a shit, but she's mom's dog. Lance didn't have dogs when he was little, but when his parents split, his dad got a dog and has had one or two ever since. I know every family is different, some embrace dogs, some don't. For Lance, I will let this go and accept that we're on a break. A break from having dogs in our home. It saddens me, but it is what it is. So if you see me out with Hannah and I'm with-holding food from her, teasing her about how goooooood it is, you know why.