This subject recently came up in my mommy group and so I've been thinking about it non-stop these days. I have been doing some online research in terms of age appropriate books and reviews of those books. For some reason, I always think I need to approach a subject with a book and then go from there. I did the same thing with potty training…did some research, bought a couple books, read them, put them into action. Researching and reading comes natural to me and gives me the tools I need to approach anything with more confidence. I guess I learned something in my 15 year IT career.
When we lived in the duplex, there was a registered sex offender living across the street and down one house. I know this because I frequent the online offender registry. I need to know who is living near me and if they are considered dangerous. The sex offender registry is unfortunately nowhere near an absolute safeguard, it is just a starting point. There are too many people that slip through the system and simply do not register or have yet to be caught. When you talk about sex crimes and sexual abuse with others, it is absolutely frightening and heartbreaking to find out how many lives it has touched. That is why we are starting as early as we are with Hannah. She needs to begin to learn "safe touch" and "stranger danger" now.
Every one parents differently and I respect that. But for us, it isn't an option to let our child grow up not knowing she can't come to us with questions about her body or concerns about people. I've heard too many times that a child was afraid to tell their parent for fear of not being believed, or for fear of getting in trouble. That is just way too much for a little kid to have to hold on to, they need to be able to tell their mommy and daddy what is going on.
Something that I learned in my reading is that we need to teach our children that their bodies are their own. It is and should be up to them who can hug them, and who can kiss them. They need to be taught early that it is okay to say no to a hug. I hear all the time, "go give so and so a hug" "no, I don't want to" "do it anyway". That is sending the wrong message to our children; it is essentially telling them that we, the parents, expect them to allow someone (no matter who) to touch them to make that other person happy. That is where I have started with Hannah, I ask her for hugs and kisses and if she says no; I respect that and follow it up with a simple, if you don't want to, you don't have to. She'll of course, come flying at me not a minute later asking for hugs and kisses. Because she is such a hugger, I'm working at it from the other angle as well; if one of her friends doesn't want a hug, then she needs to respect that and let it go.
It's a tough subject and one that makes some people uncomfortable. But it's a subject that we can't ignore and one we need to get our girls to be okay with talking about from an early age. I can't even bring myself to think about the "what if's" so we'll talk and we'll continue to talk, and we'll arm our girls with knowledge and power.
this is pretty much the attitude my mom had with me when growing up. She was a victim of sexual abuse as a child, and the predator was of course a family member. For as long as I can remember, I was warned about touches, and as I got older she even told me in general terms what happened to her and who did it so that I would be on the alert. Really it was a good thing, because even though he was SO much older than me, I still got touches from him that were not okay, from the time I was 12 until I was 18. Luckily for me, it never went far, and (maybe not so great if you consider others' reactions or lack thereof) it usually happened when surrounded by other family members. To a degree, I was safe. But more so because she was open and honest with me.
ReplyDeleteGeez, isn't it sad how many people have been affected by this? I'm glad you're able to talk about it…thanks for sharing.
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